Tuesday, 3 March 2015

Find Your Happy

One thing I've noticed since starting uni, or rather since starting my second semester of uni last year is that I've become so much more confident in myself and happier as person. I'm studying things that I'm really interested in and haven't had the opportunity to explore before which is really exciting!

I remember having a conversation with a friend of mine around the time second semester started. She was having a life crisis not sure what she was doing and where to go from where she was. She was at the same uni studying something environmental or animal related as well as doing TAFE and work experience. She was also having on again, off again issues with her boyfriend and felt muddled up about everything.

I gave her whatever advice I could for her situation, but told her that for me, I was just really happy with how my life was going. No one had control over my life except for me and it was beyond liberating!

Even now as I start my second year of uni, I'm even more excited than I was before, although I'm more settled since I've got a year of experience under my belt. My life feels like it's finally on track and in a way going to uni is making up for the less than pleasant experiences I had during high school.

I've also noticed that I'm spending less time of Facebook than I used to, and not just because of my somewhat shameful stalking habits which I've mentioned once or twice. I'm more interested in what I'm doing with my own life than I am with what other people are doing, or rather, not doing with theirs.

The shift in my mental state, or happy place has effected my emotional state as well. Only when I feel kinda crappy about myself will I go on a FB stalk and make myself feel worse until I've decided I've had enough.

I was telling my therapist in my last session that I openly admit to checking the profiles of people from school and feel dread and anxiety when I do so because I start comparing myself to them and their life and almost always feel inferior even though I have absolutely no reason to.

In one of the posts I did earlier, I mentioned about my dreams or goals for my life. I also brought this up in therapy and said that for me, my dream of becoming famous whether by acting, singing, dancing, modeling or whatever, that was something I had to cling to because without it I'd have had no reason to live.

When I was on Facebook most recently, a friend from high school posted a pregnancy announcement. Since she was the youngest of 5 and all of her siblings have at least 2 kids, it was inevitable that she and her husband would have kids sooner rather than later.

I felt happy for her, but at the same time I cringed. I'd always loved the idea of having a family and still hope to have one one day, but as I've said, I'm really happy with the way my life is going right now and I know that having a baby would throw a massive spanner in the works.

The more I thought about it the more I realized that my goals which I've always focused so incredibly hard on, were just that, my goals. In a speech that a very close friend of mine gave at my 21st she said one of the admirable things about me was that I had the ability to dream and dream big at that. For me, finding a decent paying job, getting married and having kids seems too achievable to be a legitimate dream. I'd never really considered that some people didn't dream big, nor did they need or want to.

My upbringing was quite different to a lot of people that I've met, not that that's a bad thing, it's just made me who I am today, as has everyone else's. For some people, they grow up in a big and happy, or just a happy family, so that's all they strive for in life, is to recreate that for themselves.

Being able to achieve happiness in any aspect of your life is a wonderful thing and shouldn't be knocked or discouraged. Some people go their whole lives searching but never finding happiness. Others find it in the smallest of things and are content with that.

Going back to The Alchemist, there's a different type of happiness for everyone. Some of us dream of huge and seemingly unattainable things so we have something big to live for, others of us are just content with having small ideas because they make a big difference to our lives even if very few people can see it. Then there's different variations for everyone in between. None of them are bad. It's just how it is.

If what makes you happy is sitting in the park for a few hours people watching, that's cool. If you love more than anything to get out on the water and go fishing or even engage in some type of extreme water sports, that's cool too. If you've never dreamt of anything even remotely spectacular and just want to find love and have a family, that's also cool. Whatever it is, find your happy and stick with it until it doesn't make you happy any more, then go out and find your new happy.

Just remember, "You mustn't be afraid to dream a little bigger darling!" :-)

(Photo credit to http://www.desktopwallpapers4.me/girls/happy-girl-in-winter-17213/)

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