Friday 17 April 2015

The Problem Is...

Have you ever come to a point in your life where it feels like nothing is happening?

You don't know what to do next, where to go or what you want and it's not a mental health issue. Life has just become...blah.

It's a tough spot to be in, especially when you see other people around you actually looking like they're enjoying life. Sure yours may be exciting from the outside, or maybe you have something that people around you want and you take for granted. But you don't see it that way.

The worst part is that because there's nothing giving you an edge or spark, you start something else for yourself. Drama.

I'm referring more to the busybodies out there.

I've rarely met someone who has a very little spare time and uses what little they do have to make trouble for others just to balance out their life.

Most busy people have either a really full life that doesn't require interference by other parties, others just don't have the time for it because they've already got so much happening.

I'd say I'm a half-half kind of person.

As mentioned in earlier posts and as a lot of people in my life know, I juggle work, uni and some semblance of a social life. Sometimes all three keep me busy beyond what I think I can handle, other times I have a few moments spare and when I'm not using them productively, it's not really a great outcome for me.

I think the problem for most people is, there is no problem.

There's a quote I've come across many times which says something along the lines that most of the problems people have are ones of their own causing, or problems are created by reacting to things differently. I'm not sure but they both kind of make sense.

When I think of busybodies, I think of meddlers. They have nothing exciting to do, so they see problems where there aren't any and try to fix them which actually creates a problem.

I've been known in the past to do similar things, although most of the time it's only affected me and my mental state rather than anyone else.

I tend to overcompensate in some things, when you're a people-pleaser it's what you do. You go out of your way to make others feel great so they'll make you feel great for making them feel great.

The problem there is that you can't control how people will react, and that creates a problem for you. You also can't control how much people will demand of you once they realize what you're doing. That creates another problem for you. But worst of all, you derive your value from doing the things that you do and therefore from the people that you do them for. It's almost like fighting a losing battle.

I, like I'm sure many others as well, have found myself at different times, not so much creating a problem that doesn't exist, but throwing so much of myself, of my energy at another person and been bitterly disappointed when they didn't return it or appreciate it as much as I'd hoped or more accurately, expected they would.

When there's something or someone that I want, think I want or tell myself I want, I look at what's stopping me from getting that or them and list all the reasons or ways to make that happen, even if it's a seemingly futile dream, and invest time that could really be spent doing better things, on that.

With guys in the past, I've looked at their lifestyle or what I know of it, and listed then convinced myself of all of the reasons why I would the best thing for them, why they should be with me, and try as innocently and subtley as possible to make it happen, although in every case I can think of it's never worked. It's being selflessly selfish or vice versa.

If someone looked happy, I'd convince myself that they really weren't and imagine all the ways I could make them so. Most of the time they were, and if they weren't, it wasn't my job to bring it to their attention, let alone actually do something about. I hated that feeling.

Stuff is an easier thing because it's just stuff. Most of the obstacles are monetary or logistical. If you want something badly enough you can save up and then you're off to some kind of a start.

The problem also comes down to control. When you or whoever it is doesn't have a great deal of control over their lives, or just feels like they don't, they overcompensate and try to take over other peoples.

When I lived at home with my family, I had very little control over anything, or at least that's how it felt most of the time. To make up for it I would reach out to people whose lives I envied immensely and tried to suck up to them as much as possible, it felt like the only thing I could do.

When my attempts didn't last long or just failed completely, I would mope around and think even worse things about myself. My insecurities would reign over me and I was remiss to find something that would make things better for me.

I kept thinking that there was something wrong with me, that people just didn't like me and didn't want to dwell on the reasons why. In most cases either people didn't need a reason, or I was way off track.

That's the thing when you don't have anything better to do, you think the worst and convince yourself that it's real and true. Then when you tell people they laugh it off because your thinking and their reasoning is so far apart it's hilarious.

Most of the time the problem is that there isn't a problem, but in order to fill a void in our own lives, we create one.

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